The Root of Habit Building: Self-Control or Consistency?

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The new year is a host for transformation; reinvigorated goals, new hobbies and a reimagined self. That is…until we get in our own way. But what actually is the blockage? We like to believe that change is driven by willpower, our resolute decisions stem from sheer self-discipline – the anticipation, what we will do. Time after time, self-control is the idea at the helm, the mechanism in charge of getting things done, but it is not about self-control at all, but repetition. When getting into the real reason behind failed goals, research indicates that building habits, remaining consistent and repeating the change is far more transformative than a measure of willpower.

Self-control is admired. Leaders are praised for it, people demand it from themselves, there is shame in it’s absence – ‘if only I was more disciplined’, but the narrative about self-control is a lie. In real life, amidst the mess of daily routines, forgotten intentions and half-kept promises, self-control is not really the trait we elevate as the cornerstone of change, but a misdirection.

Research from 2020 looked at how people form habits in their daily lives, with one specification; their new habit had to matter to them personally. This included exercising more, eating healthier and saving money, none of which were abstract goals. By repeating a specific behaviour in a specific context, with a specific cue, regularly, regardless of perceived willpower, the successful results suggested something else at play; consistency. The more frequently someone performs a new hobby in the same place, the stronger the habit becomes. Habits do not grow when people are strong, but when people repeat actions in the same context.

Self-control is the flattering story, that success derives from the individual, rewarded by effort and suffering. It lets organisations, cultures and systems off the hook. If willpower is what drives habits, failure becomes personal. If habits are about context and repetition; the failure is systemic. It is not a lack of character, but a lack of supportive architecture for the behaviours humanity claims to value.

In professional environments, self-control is currency; endurance, restraint and burnout all rewarded and reframed as ‘resilience’, but the louder the fixation, the more undermined the performance. If habits are built by repetition, how can they be formed when the surroundings shift? In a workplace with fluctuating priorities and cues, with expectations that actively prevent habits from forming, it is impossible. The challenge is the restrictions of the system and workplaces designed to required superhuman self-control instead of well formed, practiced habit. Why is it that discipline is considered effective?

Identity is a by-product, not a starting point. People can’t become someone else and expect a habit to form without first forming the habit that sparks the transformation. People don’t build habits by seeing themselves differently, but by creating automatic behaviour. Then, identity follows.

This matters for coaching, leadership development and personal growth, assuming a person can change prior to cementing the groundwork, pushing them to ‘be more disciplined’, the identity produced is not genuine; it’s a performance. The habits will not stick. The change will be temporary. By creating a reliable cue, a trigger for the behaviour, and following through consistently, we move forward from motivation as a factor. Instead of demanding self-control, focus on consistency. Don’t moralise behaviours, contextualise them. Bring the habit out of the self and into the external world.

This research does not diminish self-control, but reframes it. It is a part of the design but not the defining factor. Lasting change may not require strength but more intentionality, repetition and context. If habits aren’t forming, it is not a failure of will but an invitation to redesign the structure of one’s life. Real change doesn’t come from fighting oneself, but by making things easier, putting things in place where good habits grow from ease rather than how hard we can push ourselves. How can good come from self blame?

The unconscious is not interested in our goals. It does not care about resolutions, values or performance reviews. It desires patterns, stability, familiarity – safety. What happens time and time again becomes psychologically true. In Jungian terms, our habits live below the ego, enacted by complexes and embodied memory rather than conscious intention. Relying on self-control relies on the ego to override the forces of the unconscious, a losing battle disguised as virtue. Habits, on the other hand, bypass the ego through repetition in stable contexts. When we allow habits to form more naturally, the behaviour melds into the unconscious, free from persuasion or force. This may be why willpower feels so tiring and why habits feel effortless; the former is battling the psyche and the latter is collaborating with it. Maybe the struggle with change is not a moral failure, but a misunderstanding of the psyche’s objections.

For the full paper published in Frontiers Psychology, 2020, follow this link: Frontiers | How to Form Good Habits? A Longitudinal Field Study on the Role of Self-Control in Habit Formation

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