The Neglected Life Stage: The Reckoning of Midlife

Photo by Teena Lalawat on Unsplash

Midlife. A life stage so often overlooked, parred off as a cliché. It is mistaken for calm, the turbulence of youth long gone, the career solidified, the identity found. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. With midlife forms a quiet discomfort, the turning point for mental struggle, a rise in stress, the decline of one’s wellbeing, spikes in suicide risk, and no one asking ‘why?’.

The comical idea of the ‘midlife crisis’ is but a caricature; the lavish new car, questionable haircut or newfound love for the gym. Beneath the stereotype lies something deeper, an alchemy of change: biology shifting, parents aging, careers plateauing, identities fracturing. Midlife is not a meltdown; it is a reckoning.

In the paper by Gondek, and colleagues, the truths are laid bare; between 45 and 55 years of age there are higher rates of depression, anxiety, burnout and suicide. But what causes this? Why is there an absence of explanation? When there is such heavy focus on evidence, how does such a blind spot still exist?

Maybe it is intentional.

The midlife is neglected on purpose, the illusion of a ‘completed adult’ is too enticing, too comforting. Midlife is supposed to be the era of contribution, reliability and productivity; a steadfast generation that keeps the machine running. It is too uncomfortable, or too risky, to pry open the already formed cracks of that generation.

Midlife holds a secret turbulence, to understand it requires honesty. It is not calm, it is overcrowded. The body whispers its limitations, the mind is split by bi-directional need from one’s own aging parents and children that still want to be parented, the career that took a lifetime to curate begins to plateau, the reality of mortality is as close as ever.

The support systems society bases itself upon focus on the young (those with endless potential) or the old (those facing immediate decline), but falsely assume that those who sit in the middle sit steadily, neglecting the storm evoked by the midlife.

What if the distress in the midlife is not a flaw but a calling? Perhaps midlife is a calling to examine what society promised and expected to offer purpose: climb the career ladder, start a family, keep the peace, be productive. Life’s architecture was not designed to avoid human complexity, it does not reach the peak and turbulence ceases to exist. The pressure from what is expected warps the reality, manipulating that architecture to follow societal rules, misunderstanding that those in the midlife are the product of misaligned expectations; the early-career talent that blends into wise senior leadership – the middle is missing. Those carrying the heaviest emotional, financial and relational burdens get the least tailored support.

Organisations romanticise ‘mid-career strength’, assuming stability and resilience. What if stability is actually suppression? And resilience is exhaustion with better PR? It is not about acknowledging the midlife, it is about changing the environment that promotes the misconception of this life stage.

Midlife is a threshold, not the plateau. The life stage a reframe; it is a gateway for transformation. It is the moment where identity must shift from performance and be open to renegotiation, grief cannot be hidden, possibility has new meaning. The choice must be made between fulfilling expectations and creating new purpose, realising that they do not go hand in hand and accepting the previous stage in life is no longer relevant. The tension that is created between who was and who is, is the divisive discomfort that may be the key to navigating the midlife that becomes transformative when it is attended to.

Depth psychology sees midlife as the calling of the unconscious. It gets louder until it cannot be ignored and the ‘false self’ begins to crack. The version that has played the role of the career driven or the family maker, the person that has played the role as expected of them. In the first half of life, that persona is adaptive, it navigates the career ladder, builds relationships, stability and status, but the persona has a shelf life, broken down by the rebellion of the psyche. The shadow surfaces, unlived desires and suppressed griefs are no longer able to hide. It may characterise as burnout, or depression, but perhaps instead, it is an invitation; a summons to integrate that which has been disowned. The essence of midlife is a confrontation as the psyche demands wholeness, with the danger not in the turmoil itself, but the attempt to silence the truths that may have been buried for too many years. Midlife is not the crisis – ignoring it is.

Follow the link below for the full article published in the Research Ideas and Outcomes Journal, 2021:

Mental health crisis in midlife – a proposed research agenda

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