The Art of Not-Giving-Up: Sustaining New Year's Resolutions

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Why do most New Year’s Resolutions fail? Every January we perform the same rituals; ‘this year I will be healthier’, ‘this is the year I stop smoking’, ‘this year I’ll work harder’, and by February, the narrative of the future self has gone quiet and we slip back into our usual routines. So…where does motivation go? Do goals disappear because we lack self-discipline? Or is it that, actually, the motivation behind these conscious goals may simply not align with the underlying motivation of our daily lives, in the part we don’t see?

In research on sustaining New Year’s Resolutions, two types of motivational systems were highlighted:

1)      Autonomous motivation – goals we set that align with our personal values, sense of meaning and identity

2)      Controlled motivation – goals that are driven by guilt, pressure or shame, the type that might make someone feel the desire to ‘fix’ themselves.

The resolutions set in the new year may work for a while because they fall into the ‘controlled’ category, which explains itself – it is under control. Where the long-term motivation fails is the cost of this type of motivation on personal wellbeing. Elongated pressure feeding negative thought. Any professional will know this dynamic; the motivation of a deadline, expectations sharpening focus and fear being the driving force of movement. It is already known that this is not a long-term motivational tactic.  

So what happens when goals are sustained primarily by this internal pressure? People don’t simply abandon the goal, they feel mentally worse pursuing it, dictated by ‘I must’ and ‘I cannot fall behind’. It no longer poses the question of why the goal can’t be pursued, but that of the psychological cost it will take to keep them.

The research points to the answer: those who pursue their resolutions for autonomous reasons, driven by meaning and not how it will make them seem to others, experience better wellbeing over time. Less of a reason to give up their goals.

Modern professional culture reflects the outcome of controlled motivation, as we work within an ecosystem of improvement, optimisation and being a perceived better version of self. Without integration, aligning one’s needs to the pressures of improvement, ambition becomes a mask for self-rejection. How often do people check whether their goals are an act of care to themselves, and not an act of violence? Take, for example, a resolution such as ‘I need to stop procrastinating’. It sounds virtuous, like an acknowledgment of a flaw needing work, and perhaps it is, but perhaps it’s another way of saying ‘I’m not good enough as I am’. Here is where the emotional tone matters more than the goal itself.

There is a difference between persistence and health; being persistent is not a reliable indicator of wellbeing. Some people can stay committed to a goal while suffering psychologically; a worrying condition unseen by those on the outside as they continue to praise discipline, unintentionally rewarding them for their ability to override internal resistance. The threat is that the more skilled a person is at forcing themselves forward, the easier it will be to miss when motivation becomes detrimental; pressure as a motivator turns into a quiet burnout loop.

The resolution itself is not where the problem lies, but the relationship between the goal and it’s maker. Success may not be about whether or not the resolution is achieved, but how a person relates to the part of themselves that wants to change. While autonomous motivation sounds softer, it is not lazy; it is rooted in ownership. Wanting something because it matters to one’s inner need is not synonymous with wanting something that can make them more ‘acceptable’, the former intention expands the self, the latter restricts it. How many resolutions do we make because we are unhappy with ourselves?

Abandoning a goal may be an act of psychological intelligence, not failure. ‘Giving up’ is no bad thing provided we examine why it was good to and the real reason behind wanting to achieve that goal in the first instance. From the depth psychology lens, New Year’s Resolutions are rarely about behavioural change, but are symbolic negotiations with the unconscious. The part of the psyche responsible for setting the goal believes it’s steering the ship, but our unmet needs, the unconscious, will resist if the goals stir up older material; ungrieved losses, internalised parental voices, exiled aspects of identity. Controlled motivation is ‘superego-driven striving’; the internal authority that demands improvement to earn worth, safety and love. Autonomous motivation emerges when the ego is no longer fighting the shadow, but instead tuning into it. The psyche sabotages self-rejection disguising as growth, and abandoning goals may, in this context, be an act of self-preservation instead. Endlessly reenacting the same resolution ritual, each new year goal conflicting the unresolved, will simply regurgitate the same defiance and lack of perseverance.

For the full research paper published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 2021, Volume 18, find the link here: Self-Regulatory Goal Motivational Processes in Sustained New Year Resolution Pursuit and Mental Wellbeing | MDPI

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