Looking Inward: How Coaching Really Works

Photo by MAKSIM KRUTALEVICH on Unsplash

Coaching is talked about as if alchemic; a professional spell, a conversation here and a breakthrough there, and, magically, a new behaviour appears. Research, however, does not support this fantasy; it is not a glamourous or magical truth, but an uncomfortable one. Coaching works when it opens up the possibility of introspection; looking within and regulating differently. It is not about what is outwardly possible, but perhaps instead what is inwardly available. Insight is worshiped and idolised, people love the idea of an ‘aha’ moment, but insight is cheap if not measured by the awareness of one’s internal state, the ability to adjust attention, manage impulse or choose one’s own actions; the art of self-regulation.

Self-regulation is often silent, it is subtle and profoundly uncomfortable, yet in the research paper by Mühlberger and colleagues, the narrative suggests that coaching does not succeed because the coach delivers a revelation, but because the client learns to navigate their own inner world with greater honesty and skill. The real change comes from the individual, the coach simply offers the mirror, a choice to remain the problem or become the solution.

The addiction to insight, the drama and the ‘awake-ness’ of it, often feels transformative, but once the novelty wears off, there has been no real change. Insight only matters when it is followed by emotional regulation, behavioural experimentation and consistent self observation – the ‘boring’ stuff.

Modern professionals are highly skilled at having ideas but far less skilled at tolerating discomfort long enough to do something with them, yet it is in mistaking reflection for action that hinders the enlightenment. It is not what is to be projected with the ideas but how they can act as catalysts for personal development, instead of seeing breakthroughs as a form of sophisticated procrastination.

So coaching is identity work. It can be the pressure needed to be someone different, not just behave differently. Coaching challenges identity, interrogates the unconscious performance; which roles are being performed even when they are limiting? The achiever, the Fixer, the Control Freak or the Imposter? These identities shield risk, keep anxieties predictable, and make people miserable. The coach’s success depends on the willingness to disrupt these narratives and identities but, most significantly, the true success depends on self-regulation, the ability to survive the identity quake.

Change looks fashionable from the outside, signing up to coaching with the same intentions as the gym; hopeful in January and making excuses by February. It is not that people who don’t improve during coaching are ‘uncoachable’, they are simply unwilling to self-regulate. They avoid uncomfortable emotions, resist new interpretations of their behaviour and outsource responsibility for their growth to the coach or the company, or their circumstances, but when did internal change only become determined by everyone else? Without accessing the internal friction, some are destined to remain the same, efficiently and consistently, sometimes for decades.

Coaching does not belong on a pedestal; it belongs in practice. A person’s inner habits determine growth, not their coach or their company or their strategy. Meaningful change does not happen in a moment, it requires practice; noticing one’s own defensiveness, relinquishing control and choosing curiosity, being allowed to sit with frustration instead of reacting to it. Once the autopilot can be interrupted, the transformation really begins – but who is brave enough to challenge?

Perhaps there are benefits that remain in the absence of change, if coaching is a mirror, what might it reveal? The real question may be, is it possible to even be aware of the potential before it is accessed?

Through the lens of depth psychology, the real truth is buried in the unconscious; the story people are unaware that they are telling. Beneath a curated identity the unconscious sits with the abandoned emotions and needs, repurposed to fit the corporate lifestyle. These parts do not disappear, but act unnoticed, pulling the strings through the day to day frustrations; impatience, the representation of unprocessed anger, or the overthinker – projecting shame. Behaviour is rarely rational, it is symbolic, repeating patterns because they’re familiar, not because they are effective. For coaching to work, these parts of the self must be met, the emotional heat of the abandoned parts must be tolerated and accepted. Self-regulation is more than staying calm, it’s acknowledging all the parts that make up the self and accepting them.

Change begins in the smallest possible place; the recognition in the self when one starts to choose a familiar reaction but decides to not follow through. Coaching and insight are not what teaches this, but the capacity to self-regulate and be awake in one’s own experience. Transformation is slow, it is engaged and it is not glamourous, but it is available every day when a person is willing to take responsibility for the one variable that matters the most; themselves.

 For the full paper published in the Journal of Occupation and Organizational Psychology 2024, find the link here:

 (PDF) Zooming in on the self in workplace coaching: Self‐regulation and its connection to coaching success

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